honestly, joketime's just a crush but i also miss seeing his face every other day. i mean he became part of my M-W-F routine. now, i have a new routine, in fact it became a DAILY ROUTINE. i bore myself, eat, bore myself, sleep. that's it. you know, what i really don't like about myself in the inside is why i crush on guys who have ALOT of girls/gays(if any) throwing themselves at the boy's feet. the guys who don't have that much people running after them are not exactly the type i'm looking for. they tend to be unattractive to me. but being a "heartthrob" is not what attracts me to the guy. it's just the plain, old physical appearance. most people are born that way and some are very lucky to get the person of their dreams feeling the same way. unfortunately, i'm not one of them. maybe i was able to do that before but now that i'm older it seems different. it became more difficult and it's hard for me. i'm someone who's ready to fall in love anytime. and long ago, i have fallen out. i'm ready to fall back in, with someone new, of course. well i'm thinking i must be in love with love itself, in love with having a boyfriend than in love with a boyfriend. yeah, that must be my problem and i'm making an effort to change that because i know that's bad. and i don't want to be bad.